Staying alone without the cuddles

‘While I was searching through my gallery, I found the best picture of us together. Cropped the picture to only our hug and set the perfect background. I just waited for the clock to tick 12 and I posted it with the caption of ”Happy Birthday, Love!”

I was about to video call and wish the queen but nevertheless I knew she loves her sleep more than me. Also, the amount of restless she is, like a cat on a hot tin roof, like literally, it was becoming difficult for me to forget her face in deep sleep, peaceful and tranquil, after an entire day. For the first time, I had a poignant face and missed her so much. It was her birthday and I was not even with her, to meet her once.

“Quarantine sucks!”-I said, for the last time in my mind, while being stuck 1000 kilometers away, and went to sleep.

However, it is like this never-ending thought that is replaying in my mind.  Every day seeing her face made me feel a bit luckier than yesterday. Never did I feel this way. Surely have met girls who made me feel a certain way, but I never felt this warmth. She is different. She is very special and knows me innately to my core. She is critical and cannot be pleased easy, and tastes are high, so high that it gets a bit difficult to believe that she actually chose me. There were days when I would feel nothing but this urge to quit. To quit even the basic good that is happening to me... and then I saw her face.

Her eyes itself asking me to confide in her. I still won’t be able to thank myself enough to meet her that day, exactly three years ago. I met her. I met my love. No, we were not all happy and comfortable from the first. We were friends when we first met. Absolutely different opinions, no commonalities whatsoever, and yes, the number of fights. We did it all. But never left. She was the one I chose to fight with, it was me she decided to spring on during all those quarrels.

I have seen success with her, I have seen several failures with her, and I have seen each other grow. For me, this was something I always craved for and since the depression, I had for all those two long years, I think I found the meaning to re-live and re-love.’

Meeting the star

You ask me if this is possible? You ask me if I know enough for everybody to face the same day? You ask me, what if you are not as lucky as me? I have an answer for you. ‘In that dark smelly room of my accommodation, I closed my eyes and went to the time I first met her. I had hopelessness in every way saw, amongst all those smiling faces in the world. I wondered if there is a smile for me too out there when Papa placed this tiny white and tawny spotted ball of joy on my hands.

She was as afraid as I was, the same distrust on the world in her eyes, as I had and moreover wanting a loving partner while whining at me for the first time. I instantly knew I had to protect this angel-face from the world.  As I held it closer to me, she quickly whined for the second time as I felt her as if trying to hold me too. I cried then, maybe after a long time, in front of everyone without thinking about anything else. Something I did not do for a while.’

“Beaglier then, huh?”-my father said with comfort.

“No..!”- I said, wiping my tears,” Shea! My dauntless queen.”